When the Terrible Ivan first saw the sky,

Viper and Rollie did too.

So did Bond, James Bond

And the guy from Let’s Make A Deal.

When Washington’s mommy passed away

And the Cubies beat the Phillies 26 - 23

I came into the world and was asked if

It really mattered to me . . . and I said:

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that

The moon and the sun and the stars can affect me

When Lincoln’s true love kicked the bucket

So did and an American Nazi leader

Nine good boys went MIA

We found mosquitoes carry yellow fever

When I shared a day with Costello and Bernstein,

And Claudia Schiffer too

I was asked if all this stuff

Ever really mattered to me . . . and I said:

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that

The moon and the sun and the stars can affect me

And when asked, “Is this your final answer?”

I’ll say had Amelia not flown over the sea,

And if Billy Herschel hadn’t seen Uranus,

Would you be happier, could you be happier than me?

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that

The moon and the sun and the stars can affect me